a year ago
i was looking through my "moleskine reader" today and found something i'd written a year ago after having a conversation with one of my best friend's dads. and i couldn't help but think about how much i've changed over the past year, but that what resonated with me then still resonates with me now.
"talked with pastor brett last night. thompson and i had dinner with their family and once again left feeling well-fed and full of coffee.
murray brett is one of the greatest examples i've ever encountered of a man who fully realizes God's love for him. I see it in the way he loves his family and friends, the way he laughs, and in his countenance generally. Nathan's said that his dad lives his life putting all faith and need for affirmation on Christ. How many can say that if everything were stripped away they would still rejoice in the knowledge of Christ's love? I certainly can't. Not that pastor Brett doesn't feel pain. On the contrary, he's had a hard road shepherding his flock and is no stranger to pain.
He told me that it's only when we fully realize and are able to embrace God's unconditional, no-strings-attached love for us that we can begin to fully love others. How many times do we base our relationships on works? It's only how much we get from that other person, how that person serves my needs, etc... We base our relationships with others on works because we still base our relationship with God on works! Why can't we wrap our minds around grace?
I'm now fairly convinced that to fully love someone with Christ's love, you must be fully cognizant of pain and not afraid of it. It's not that you go into every relationship with fear and trepidation at the possibility of getting hurt. It's that you make yourself vulnerable, knowing full well and EXPECTING to be hurt by that other person and to hurt them as well. This is the sad state of things: We sin and will continue to sin against each other.
So how do we experience God's love? Our pride needs to be taken and smashed before us. Our pride keeps us from experiencing love from others and from God."
it's funny looking back on all my relationships with girls, or maybe my "non-relationship" relationships, and seeing my tendency not to engage them for fear of my own fickle and changing heart. what if i don't feel that same way next week? tomorrow? those questions always seem to pop into my mind whenever i become remotely interested in someone. strange? probably. because of my sin? definitely. it's an amazing paradox to be made aware of your faults and shortcomings. on one hand, it sucks. royally. on the other hand, it's so freeing to know that you're loved that much to be told to your face how much you suck at relating, and how much your pride and insecurity put walls up between you and others.
With a true understanding of grace, think how we could live! We attest to grace and yet we live as though our entire eternity with God is contingent on whether or not we go out to eat on Sunday, or smoke a cigarette. It's really laughable. I'm so obsessed with my shitty little steps to godliness or steps to manliness that I miss the relational aspects of the gospel-that is, the gospel is not a formula for a successful life.
in other news, the new damien rice album is very, very good.
"talked with pastor brett last night. thompson and i had dinner with their family and once again left feeling well-fed and full of coffee.
murray brett is one of the greatest examples i've ever encountered of a man who fully realizes God's love for him. I see it in the way he loves his family and friends, the way he laughs, and in his countenance generally. Nathan's said that his dad lives his life putting all faith and need for affirmation on Christ. How many can say that if everything were stripped away they would still rejoice in the knowledge of Christ's love? I certainly can't. Not that pastor Brett doesn't feel pain. On the contrary, he's had a hard road shepherding his flock and is no stranger to pain.
He told me that it's only when we fully realize and are able to embrace God's unconditional, no-strings-attached love for us that we can begin to fully love others. How many times do we base our relationships on works? It's only how much we get from that other person, how that person serves my needs, etc... We base our relationships with others on works because we still base our relationship with God on works! Why can't we wrap our minds around grace?
I'm now fairly convinced that to fully love someone with Christ's love, you must be fully cognizant of pain and not afraid of it. It's not that you go into every relationship with fear and trepidation at the possibility of getting hurt. It's that you make yourself vulnerable, knowing full well and EXPECTING to be hurt by that other person and to hurt them as well. This is the sad state of things: We sin and will continue to sin against each other.
So how do we experience God's love? Our pride needs to be taken and smashed before us. Our pride keeps us from experiencing love from others and from God."
it's funny looking back on all my relationships with girls, or maybe my "non-relationship" relationships, and seeing my tendency not to engage them for fear of my own fickle and changing heart. what if i don't feel that same way next week? tomorrow? those questions always seem to pop into my mind whenever i become remotely interested in someone. strange? probably. because of my sin? definitely. it's an amazing paradox to be made aware of your faults and shortcomings. on one hand, it sucks. royally. on the other hand, it's so freeing to know that you're loved that much to be told to your face how much you suck at relating, and how much your pride and insecurity put walls up between you and others.
With a true understanding of grace, think how we could live! We attest to grace and yet we live as though our entire eternity with God is contingent on whether or not we go out to eat on Sunday, or smoke a cigarette. It's really laughable. I'm so obsessed with my shitty little steps to godliness or steps to manliness that I miss the relational aspects of the gospel-that is, the gospel is not a formula for a successful life.
in other news, the new damien rice album is very, very good.
posted by Ethan at 9:46 PM
5 Comments:
that's deep buddy.
Thank you for those words...I love you...
enjoyed your post thoroughly enjoyed it your post
Thats interesting that's what you fear about girls ... that you're not going to feel the same later. That you will be trapped.
I just get bored with girls and I don't want to see their ugly faces anymore (jk). My problem is just putting forth the effort to care.
UNLESS. I get really attached to a girl like bekah. But she's been the only one in my life i've gotten attached to.
Then I'd rather die than have them leave me. So I fear girls as well.
Or I guess when i was dating Jeni I was afraid of being trapped too. That's why i broke up with her ... i was like "man i dont really enjoy her all the time so imagine what it will be like in 20 years."
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