andersen and van gogh

"Never had she danced so beautifully; the sharp knives cut her feet, but she did not feel it, for the pain in her heart was far greater. She knew that this was the last evening that she would see him for whose sake she had given away her lovely voice and left her home and her family; and he would never know of her sacrifice. It was the last night that she would breathe the same air as he, or look out over the deep sea and up into the star-blue heaven. A dreamless, eternal night awaited her, for she had no soul and not been able to win one."

I never knew the tale of the little mermaid could be so incredibly depressing. As Andersen describes her sighing "as if her heart would break with sorrow," I can't help but think that it was meant to be a reflection of him. This is the same Andersen who was largely rejected by the "normal" world for his odd appearance and irregular characteristics. He was described as being too tall and gawky, with a long nose and close-set eyes. I read somewhere that his little mermaid's quest for the normal world of humans reflected his own yearning for a normal life and normal love. His life seemed to be one unrequited love after another, and he was said to have frequently visited brothels in his later years, and died alone.

He used misfits and children in his stories as the voices of reason. It was the little boy who pointed out to everyone that the emperor didn't have any clothes, and it was the poor young traveler who answered the three questions correctly to win the hot princess and cut off the troll's head(great story, btw, check out "the tinderbox").

Somehow I can't help but think of Van Gogh when I'm reading about Andersen. While Andersen was largely rejected by the women he admired, Van Gogh not only found rejection in women, but in the church. This is what saddens me the most. He was originally planning to be a preacher/pastor, but found that he was horrible at it. He was a terrible pastor and terrible preacher because he was prone to depression and mental illness, so the church threw him out and turned their back on him. In his sorrow he found refuge in God's true calling for him: art. All the church recogized was his lack of talents in the ministry, and because of this, he was useless to them. You know the rest. He threatened his best friend with a gun and then later felt such remorse that he cut off his ear and sent it to him. Then he committed suicide. What's a believer to do when other believers don't gather around him, lifting him up, and encouraging him in his true talents and calling? It's bound to be a pretty lonely life.

Not that I'm any super encourager. If anything, I tend to be the most self-centered person I know, only intrigued by my own talents and wrapped up in my little life of anxious nothings. It's only when we're found out to be naked and sinful by the clever little boy in the crowd, who shouts that we don't have any clothes on, and our facades of wealth and physical beauty don't hide our nakedness. Then the whole crowd will know, and they'll shout "He has nothing on!" And it'll be the best thing that happened to us, 'cause then we'll be vulnerable and able to receive love.